Just Trying to Survive - Disidentifying with the Self-Preservation Instinct

We unknowingly conceal a most precious part of ourselves from ourselves. A part that feels separate from the rest and feels in control of life and the body. This offers us a sense of protection. Like a turtle withdrawing into its shell, we unknowingly hide out here as a landing place, a safe house, an escape from the sometimes cruel impermanence of life.

Yet this bubble of protection is an illusion, nothing more than a contraction of energy enmeshed with unconscious beliefs that result in actions and behaviors. It creates the illusion of safety and control, and even deep into the awakening process, it can still be hiding. An intuition that perhaps we would perish without it, true terror can arise as we begin to relinquish this. We have believed that this part of ourselves has kept us safe, it has controlled outcomes, and it has avoided disasters. And although it may very much feel like this is true, if we examine closely, we see that there is no separate part to us that has been keeping us safe.

The body has been extensively conditioned throughout life so that it can survive and protect itself. The self-preservation mechanism of the body is alive and active in humans and animals alike. It is innate within the organism, and consistent trial and error through life’s tribulations adds layers of automatic conditioning, providing a highly functioning human. When necessary, the body will take action. The fight-flight response will be engaged, supported by a hormonal structure that specifically supports survival. We can trust the body knows what to do.

If we look closely, we can see that the illusory separate self has taken over the natural self-preservation instinct and tried to be in charge of the job. It is innocent and helped us to feel comforted during life; however, when the time is right, this bubble of protection that keeps you separate from the One, from life, wants to pop. And what may be scary initially, to surrender control in this way, turns out to be blissful freedom and relief. The burden of trying to control and protect something that can’t be controlled (life) has kept us in a perpetual state of low-level anxiety, hyper-vigilance, and sadness at the futility of the unconscious endeavor.

To relinquish this often final part of separation, into the One, can feel like you’ve lost your safety blanket. You’ve lost the most precious part of yourself. But all you’re truly losing is a burden and unnecessary fear. Without it, the body is free to operate in its most natural way: moving away from danger, setting boundaries, and navigating life through instinct and intuition.

An easefulness develops, with a deep surrender to the truth that you really don’t know what the next moment will bring. A sense of dying into every moment can emerge. Death and rebirth, now and now. This finally allows us to experientially understand what it is like to truly be present. With no hope, no future, and no control, we get to experience true liberation. Like jumping out of a plane and having no ability to manage the experience in any way, the exhilaration of being fully here in this moment is born. In its absurdity and sometimes chaos, we experience true and ultimate surrender: surrendering the protector, the one who thought it was in control.