I had always felt comfortable in the spiritual realm. My first memory is of astral travelling, flying around my house watching my family sleep. During traumatic events as a child, I would find myself completely detached from my body and story, emerged in a blissful timeless stillness. My natural ability to dissociate and transcend ego, was a survival strategy and a grace. These experiences later provided an insight as to what lay beyond the contracted and painful story of Shar.

As a child in a toxic family environment, I unconsciously accepted my role as the scapegoat. This became my identity along with being a victim and a servant to my siblings.

Over the years I attempted to find new identities that could help me to feel more solidified in the world, such as becoming a dancer. But each time I created a new identity, life would find a way to remove it, leaving me feeling confused about my place in the world.

At the age of 30, my identity as a business owner was stripped away from me, and this time something shifted. I couldn't fully believe I was a person called Shar anymore and I wanted to find out who I was. This was the beginning of my awakening journey.

I slowly started to find my way. I learnt to meditate, worked on breaking beliefs and became interested in shadow work. I had a strong desire to see everything within me that was hidden. 

I began to find healing modalities and teachings that supported the awakening process, but there was still the wounded part of me that was seeking an identity, a purpose, some meaning. Gradually, as I healed, I began to have more access to stillness. When I had the realisation - there is only awakening, nothing else matters - the longing for purpose began to drop away. All the outward energy towards achieving anything began to be redirected to finding who I truly was, until it was my primary focus. This is when everything started to open up. I found therapists that could help support the releasing of trauma until I felt safe, present and grounded in my body. Layers of identification were being stripped away and I was finally surrendered to the awakening process. 

A couple of years of intense unravelling resulted in me being completely raw and open. I felt drawn to watch a video of Adyashanti and as soon as it started, I dissolved with him into emptiness and realised - I am that. The mind emptied out like water draining from a sink and I knew I was finally home. There was no longer any reason to seek and I rested in the immense empty space.

I could intuitively feel that I was only awake through the mind and not in unity consciousness, something felt missing. A belief around love arose and dissolved in the vast emptiness and I felt compelled to attend my Zen class. It was an intimate group and that evening we sat in a close circle on a perfect summer evening. Being amongst others devoted to Truth began to open the heart centre. As soon as meditation began the spiritual heart expanded including in it the room, the world, the universe - absolutely everything. Nothing was separate from the One. The realisation - I am everything - became a permanent way of being from this moment onwards.

Remaining conditioning continued to drop away, allowing access to silence that is beyond words.

With love, Shar