Facing What is Hidden
It hurts to be human.
Sometimes things are so overwhelming and we have to do whatever we can to keep going. Must survive... one foot in front of the other...
As children, we didn't have the capacity to deal with the painful and traumatic situations that were arising. We had to find ways to cope so we could stay safe. Squash down the tears, tell everyone you're ok, stay quiet even when you want to scream...
We all make mistakes and we may feel guilt or embarrassment about something that we did. In an ideal world we would all have parents that didn't shame us for doing something silly, they would teach us how to share our experience in a safe environment. We would learn how to apologize in a healthy way. We would learn how to express our emotions, even the painful ones. But how many of us have parents that are even able to do this themselves?
So all we can do is keep squashing it down. Don't look at what's in the vault...
When we start working with a therapist or an awakening starts to happen, the door to the vault is slowly opened and all the demons begin to come out. This can be called illumination - everything that was in the dark begins to have to the light of awareness shone on it.
And this does not feel pleasant.
We've been avoiding facing this hidden pain for all of our life. We've become an expert at avoiding facing this content.
But when the time is right it will rise on up to be seen and felt.
Bit by bit we see how our actions caused suffering to others. We will see how repressing emotions causes a flow-on effect of suffering, such as becoming passive aggressive to those we love. We see how we felt controlled and how now we unknowingly try and control others. We see how we projected what was in our shadow onto other people in an attempt to highlight it to ourself - "they are so needy, they are so angry."
We deeply feel our humanness. We realise that when we believe in separation, we are operating from our conditioning. And that conditioning may not be the healthiest. We notice that as we heal and embrace all those sad scary parts, that they too are the divine.
We see that we did the best we could do with the conditioning that we had running.
Deeper and deeper into the vault we go, until there is nothing left in hiding. We fall in love with every wounded and previously repressed part, regardless of how "bad" we were. As we let go of everything in hiding, we also let go of the person we believe ourself to be.
We see that we no longer need to believe that painful illusion, of that one that had all those bad things happen. The person is seen not to be real and with that goes the suffering.
You are finally free.